Building Relationships with People – An Inward Journey

While I was writing this article, I had trouble with where to begin, so I did a mental walk to flip through memories in my mind. I decided to pick a memory sometime in September of 2014 when I was still taking my 2nd degree, B.S. Psychology. I know I was one of those students in the university who had a terrible attitude and had issues forming an amicable relationship with other students and other people. For context, I was an expert in shutting down people. I hated crowds and people generally (I know, not a good character of a Christian). Before taking psychology, I wasn't aware of this, and all along, I thought my behavior was just "normal."

But one fine afternoon sometime in September 2014, after a dreadful midterm week, I decided to drop by a mall near my apartment to take a quick bite and grab an espresso from a local donut shop. While waiting for my orders, I decided to occupy a table suitable for one person, opened my book, and started reading, but the noise of a kid was bothering me. I looked up, and I saw a little girl crying loudly because her toy was snatched from her by another kid. Immediately, the parents of the kid who grabbed the toy advised their kid to return it and ask for an apology. As innocent as she was, she immediately returned it and apologized while also trying to offer a hug to the crying little kid. I'm sure a lot of us have experienced or witnessed this kind of scenario. On one occasion in the Bible, Jesus called a little child to him Matthew 18:3-5 (NIV) "3And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me." What I witnessed on that day validated this. We, too, brethren, should be like a child, quick to listen and to follow good advice and quick to forgive and forget. Both kids hugged each other, and they smiled as if nothing happened. That scenario ended up in one of my Psychology journals.

My journey of improving myself, especially building my relationship with other people, did not come easy. I was 100% introvert and loved burying my nose in books. I never had a thought of becoming like a child, as Jesus described in Matthew 18:3-5. I was extremely selective of who will get good treatment from me and who will receive a slam. I mostly show my good side to my brethren in the church.

But in some cases, I was a terrible human being when it comes to people outside my circle. When I don't like them, I dismiss them and tell them to get lost and not bother me ever again. As much as I hate to admit it, but that was my reality a few years ago. However, God said in Ephesians 4:29 (NIV), "29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." As much as I wanted to continue my attitude, Ephesians 4:29 is reminding me that it's not the way of a Christian. Learning it somehow pushed me to realize that I needed to change. But it did not happen overnight. It took a long time. So be patient with yourself as well.

Another great reminder is in Ephesians 4:32 (NIV) "32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." If God, a powerful Divine Being, can have the compassion to forgive our countless and immeasurable sins and shortcomings, why can't we? Every time I get mad with people and want to make enemies, I do my best to remind myself with the verse in Luke 6:35-36 (NIV) "35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." I also fall short in this aspect sometimes, but I feel blessed to have this kind of reminder. If God can be kind even to the ungrateful and wicked, why can't we? We don't even have something to boast about and certainly can't be more significant than God. Yes, we are human and bound to our human nature. It's understandable, brethren, but still, I urge one another to do our best. Yes, I know we can stumble at times, but building our relationship with other people and our brethren can make our hardships bearable and our Christian journey a little bit easier.

Towards the end of the semester during my 2nd year in the Psychology program, I became more aware of myself and the behaviors that seemed "normal" to me but were disrespectful and weird to others. Although I have been doing an inward assessment of myself for a long time, there were still deeper sides I haven't fully understood about myself. I have learned where my destructive behaviors stemmed from, and I started acknowledging that it wasn't right and precisely aligned with what I heard from different sermons in the church every Sabbath.

So. I made a more in-depth journey within myself. I did more self-evaluations than usual and gradually let go of the unpleasant things and behaviors I kept holding on to. I thought those are the only things I have left and would help me to get ahead in life. I was wrong. I have realized during my inward journey that I can only give what I have. If I harbor more hate, the more hate I can give, and if I harbor more pleasant behaviors, the more pleasant things I can share with other people, and those changes made some miracles in my life. I started to become friendlier, both inside and outside the church. I've learned to become more understanding of other people, and it opened multiple doors of opportunities both in my personal and professional life. No matter how much we want to hold on to those behaviors we deem "normal and okay," please remember what God said in Ephesians 4:31 (NIV) "31Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice." It's always God who has the final say. He is the definitive benchmark for exemplary Christian character.

What's important was the realization I had of how much patience and provisions God has extended to me. I made a lot of mistakes more than I could ever count, yet He never gave up on me, and He continuously reminds me through the sermons in the church and through the people I meet along my journey to grow continually and become a perfect Christian. I learned a lot from other people through their stories and their own experiences. My biggest takeaway is, in one's inward journey, it's imperative to discover the kind of relationship you're building with God because, ultimately, it's the only relationship that would matter most. The most extraordinary relationship one could ever have in this lifetime. The more you build your relationship with God, building relationships with other people will just become second nature. Being kind, compassionate, and friendly to other people will come easy.